Movin’ Merch

Team Lead: First off, thanks for taking time out of your weekend to work on this. I appreciate it. But let’s level-set. What do we always say here at the Menendez Marketing firm? Huh. Anyone? "When you're dealt an invisible hand...

All together: … sometimes you gotta bluff."

Team Lead: That’s right, that’s right. So we gotta figure out way to move a lotta merch. We got a whole warehouse full of merch that we gotta get moved by the end of the month… So what moves merch? Viral videos. Specifically that Hawk Tuah girl. That hot dumb redneck trashcat knows how to move a lotta merch.

Now she’s already licensed out Hawk Tuah to a few other companies, however, we made a deal with her that any other catchphrases she has, we get the rights to. So we’ve been following her around with a camera crew for four months trying capture her next catchphrase, but the best thing she’s come up with is, “you gotta treat that schlong like a snorkel.” Now, we all know, snorkels ain’t gonna sell shirts.

So that's what we gotta do today: we gotta make Hawk Tuah 2.0. We got her on standby out in LA with a camera crew and a green screen. And as Creative, we’re gonna give her some knew catchphrases to say to camera. And the only parameters are: it’s gotta be overtly sexual, it’s gotta be kinda gross, but most importantly, it’s gotta fit on the front of a hat. So start pitching me.

Marketing Team Member 1: Okay, so what if we get her to say something like… I guess I’ll do the accent... “Yeah sometimes ya gotta shit on it, then spit on it."

Team Lead: I love where your heads at. Let’s put that on the whiteboard. Alright. Gimme more, gimme more.

Marketing Team Member 2: Yeah, but what if we reversed the order of that? What if she said something like… I guess I’ll do the accent too… “Yeah I spit on it, then I shit on it.”

Team Lead: Oh my god. That's gold. Tell you what. Let’s A-B Test those right now. Well get her doing a shit, then spit take, followed by a spit, then shit take and see how they respond on TikTok. Y’know, I can see the merch right now. We’ll do it up like those Reagan Bush ’84 logos, but we’ll make it say Spit Shit ’24. Put it on hats, put it on hoodies, put it on shirts. Fellas, I think we're gonna be movin' ALOTTA merch.