Front Desk Lady

Glenda: Knock Knock

Phil: Hey Glenda.

Glenda: So, are you all still meeting in here?

Phil: Yeah, no, we’re about to finish up. Just need a couple more minutes. 

Glenda: Oh okay. It’s just…it’s 10:33, and I saw this conference room was booked until 10:30. Do you just want me to extend the reservation until 11?

Phil: Yeah no it’s okay, we’ll be out of here in like two minutes. Tops.

Glenda: It’s just… I wouldn’t want someone to think “Oh Conference Room 304 is available,” and then come in and interrupt you all. Let me, let me just extend the room reservation to 11. 

Phil: I mean we’ll probably be done by the time you book it.

Glenda: It’s…It’s...Y’know… A couple weeks ago, we changed the policy that all if any employee is in a conference room, it should be reserved. And I just want to make sure that we’re all staying in compliance.

Phil: Ehh okay.

Glenda: Alright, I’ll go ahead and book it. See ya!

<PAUSE>

Gary: Good Lord. What the hell was that? Did she just do a verbal “Knock knock”?

Phil: Yeah, that’s Glenda. She never actually knocks, she just says 'knock knock'.

Gary: Phew. A real stickler for the rules. I mean big deal we’re a few minutes over. 

Phil: Yeah, I mean she’s our Front Desk Lady. That’s what they’re designed to do.

Gary: … "Designed”?

Phil: Yeah. What do you think the Front Desk Lady’s role in your company is?

Gary: Uh.. She’s supposed to make things in the office run more smoothly.

Phil: Oh, you actually believe that?

Gary: … Yes. Why else would she be there?

Phil: Oh, you don’t know. Alright. So tell me this, when was the last time your Front Desk Lady got involved in anything, where she didn’t make things take twice as long as they would have than if she stayed out of it entirely?

Gary: … God, I don’t know. Maybe never... Then why the hell are we keeping her on payroll!?!

Phil: Great question. So yes, ostensibly the Front Desk Lady should be there to make things run more smoothly, but in actuality, her only role is to be the one person in the company that everyone else gets to feel superior to.

Gary: … Wait, what? 

Phil: Gary, buddy, think about it. How many times has this happened to you? Alright, it’s close of business and you spent the entire day on Zoom calls where literally no new decisions were made; all the while, your co-workers are constantly pinging you asking where a file is located that they could have very easily found if they spent just one extra minute looking for it. So your exhausted, yet you literally have zero evidence of having accomplished anything all day. So you gather your things to leave. And you start thinking, “This is ridiculous. Y'know, tomorrow, I’m just gonna do it. I’m gonna put in my two-weeks, and tell my boss I can’t do this anymore.” And at about this time you’ve made it to the lobby, and you’ve hit the call button on the elevator. And as you’re waiting around, you notice, right out the corner of your eye, that Front Desk. And you start thinking about your Front Desk Lady, and how much more menial and more pointless her job is than yours. Yet, there she sits, everyday, beaming with that big dumb smile on her face. And you think to yourself, “Y'know, things aren’t so bad after all, at least I’m not the freaking Front Desk Lady.” And you go home, and you fall asleep, and you come back the next day and sit in your cubicle where the whole thing starts all over again. And that is why we have Front Desk Ladies.